Own survivor

 

So after just over a month of limited social media I realize a few things about myself. And when I say realize I’m really saying I’ve accepted them more. 

I believe in dreams, I believe in hope. However I also am rooted in reality. I don’t know if that makes me an optimist or a realist?

As far as hope goes, you really couldn’t make it through life with out some kind of hope, hope for better, for kids, money, or maybe just hope to one day be able to just simply hope. Now dreams on the other hand.. those are subject to a lot of factors. I realize something I never thought could be possible. There are people out there that don’t really have dreams. That was something that in all my observations of people that I never once thought of. 

 I believe most of my character traits of a INFJ personality type. From the wanting to know the Why. You can tell me you like that cool car. What I hear is the color grabs your attention, the body lines are striking and you could see yourself in it. So as to say it’s all about the subtext and trying to figure out why.

 Back to people not having dreams. I recently understood that to some it is enough to just be. Nothing more nothing less. That thought was alien to me, I always as far as I can remember have had a dream of what or who I wanted to be. So actually taking in the fact that just living the day to day is all that some people want split my head open like a coconut. It got me thinking about my dreams and if it was actually ok to give up on them? 

 So I took a break from social media to think about my affect in this world and if my dreams really matter? The first thing I felt was if it was that easy for me to disappear how would trying to be a writer really go anywhere? Then I started to watch what my absence changed. I slowly lost all the vanity of wondering if people noticed or cared that I was MIA. 

 The next thing that crushed my world was when the big picture started to fall into place. I was laying in bed my head under the pillow to block out the sounds and the light in hopes sleep would actually come. I thought about how if anyone actually wanted to read my work or if they do it because I ask. That lead to the self doubt door and that always leads to “what would happen if I wasn’t here anymore?” Then BOOM! Like a crack of thunder I thought of my two little girls and how I want to know who they grow to be. Would they be friends or kinda distant like me and my sisters. I thought of my wife and who she’d be after. Then I stopped and thought man you know what I just want to know and being here no matter how shitty it feels sometimes or how alone I feel, I just have the want to know what happens and that want is way bigger. 

  Flash forward a few weeks. A new shiny though came to me. Why am I the way I am? Yeah that was a can of worms. I know I’m abrasive, arrogant, smart mouthed, and combative. I can surly address this right? Or is it a link back to childhood? 

 I see enemies everywhere because I was taught to see the world like combat. Every situation is a fight, every moment is combat. It wasn’t all bad because it showed me that you are never out of the fight especially if your mind still works. And hell if your mind and body still work you’re doing pretty damn well. 

 It’s painful to realize that you were lead to believe that you had to be this way for any reason... but when you’re told it’s because of the color of your skin it becomes personal on a deep level. One that just like your skin will be with you forever. 

  So here I am, back to writing. Back to put part of me on a page. Back to say that as much as I want to be a person who doesn’t have dreams and can just live the day to day and that’s enough. That ain’t me. As much as I’d like to bury my head in the sand and pretend I’m anyone else but me. I can’t. I may be that list of things but I am also a lot of other things to different people. 

  It is exhausting to go spend 8 hours just going through the motions. That’s the dream I have to hold on to, that one day I’ll be doing exactly what I want, that’s the hope I don’t think I ever really lost. So if you’re like me and have a dream lean into it, don’t let the world around you suck out your spirit. If you aren’t like me and are fine just being, support your friends that are trying to chase a dream! It means so much that you have a support system, but it sucks when you feel like you don’t. A like, share, or a “good job” can be the difference between that person giving up that day or pushing to the next. 

I will leave you dreamers with something I heard the other day, “imagine how many people gave up right before things where going to click. Gave up because it was so hard for so long and that was it. They were done and they were so close to making it. Imagine that.” 

-MH

What’s in a Brain

 

Trigger warning ⚠️ 

So what’s in a brain, gooey organic you? Or maybe a vast universe or different consciousness. Some say both. 

One thing that I find very interesting that can reside in the brain is hurt. Not a TBI or anything physical, but pain that is more or less likely attached to your soul. 

Yeah I know some of you may not believe you have a soul or that’s to religion for you. But when I say soul I talking about what makes you... you. Yes both that pain I mentioned and the pleasure on the flip side of that coin find ways to latch on to it. 

The thing I’m stuck on right now and the thing that always comes seeping back into my mind especially this time of year is the hurt and the pain someone else can be going through that we otherwise would have no clue is going on. 

As some of you may know I have a Battarang with the letters TH tattooed on my arm. In my young adult life a friend made the ultimate choice. One I also have thought about. 

He was very much like me, ultra creative, super friendly and supportive. Could make you laugh just as fast as make you want to punch him. Along with so much more. 

I reference this because in a blink things can change that scale of,  be here/leave here could tip and that’s it..

Bringing me back to the point of what I’m trying to say, we are all here dealing with life and no real instruction manual. With very real proof that what works with some definitely does not work with others. I stop and think about how insanely wild it is that some people go through all their lives without once thinking about self harm. While others live in an existence of that’s the only thing they think about. 

This isn’t a PSA or a love your friends announcement. Rather a reminder that just because for you life sucks but your brain doesn’t feed you harmful thoughts, someone else’s is. That just because you your brain doesn’t say “hey you could not be here and they’d move on over time.” Don’t think that’s the way it is for everyone. 

Now I know what you’re thinking by now “oh Matt don’t feel that way. You’re loved and people would miss you.” While I thank you for that, this post isn’t about me. While I have good days and bad ones, this is about the ones sitting next to you in silence. This is about the people who read your comments on someone who is open about this and thinking to themselves “well no one would care about me.”

Yeah I wonder how many people think about that? I know I do. For every post about mental health paths how many are sitting in the crowd thinking “must be nice” with a brain saying shut up stupid no one likes you? 

This blog is about them. This blog is for them. One thing I want to stress is I’m very open about my battles not because I’m not afraid (while this is partially true) it’s because I see the people who are battling in silence. It can be as little as a look or a slip of tongue or as big as a private message. But I fucking see you and believe I’m right here and would not ever turn you away. 

It’s sometimes hard to read a post about how if any of my friends are struggling I’m here for you. They always seem empty. Not because you don’t actually feel that way but because I know I’m never going to reach out to you. I have the hand full of people that I’d maybe say something to because I’m not going to make them worry or get sad or anything. If I feel that way I can only imagine how many others do as well. 

Last point is, one battle is not the same as any other. My view is not the same as anyone else. I do not speak for everyone and would never want to. I’m open because every voice is important because every individual is important. The last year and especially the last month have been extremely difficult for some so today... Valentine’s Day and all the days going forward remember that love is not a four letter word. Loving yourself is ok. Most importantly realize that everyone is different so that thing you think is loving and helpful may not be. Instead of saying reach out to me for help, maybe you should reach out to them and just have a random conversation. 

To people that know me know I will pop into your DMs with random things or just to talk because you were on my mind or I was worried. Maybe even hit you with a BOOBS! Just to make you smile because I love you all. -MH

Shades of Gray

 

Laying here, already in bed because the burn of 4am is way to close to stay up with you like we used to. Having already turned off the light because I wasn’t sure if you’d come in or wind down alone.. again. 

 To my surprise you pop in the room as if you knew I missed you. Maybe a burp, or a random personal fact about you interrupts the news guy or whatever movie I turned on to drown out the noise in my head. Most married people have become accustom to bodily functions, some even grow to find them cute. Like in this moment of pure you. 

I roll thinking, you must be so awake. So not ready for bed. Guilt keeps my lips tight. Now eyes glued to you as your back is lit by the blue glow of the tv. You pop  your back after your shirt comes off and hits the dirt, clean clothes pile that we say will get put away. 

I want to be so mad that that pile is still there. I look at it for a second thinking just that. But before I know it they betray me and land back on you. You twist awkwardly as you reach to unclasp your bra. Again hitting that pile. 

Only this time I don’t follow it. I watch the light dance up the wings. No sounds hits my ears from this point forward. The news man could be saying the world is on fire and troops are going door to door, and I wouldn’t care. 

I think god does she know how attractive she is? Have I told her today that I still think this after all these years? Two kids, and 32 years of life look so good on you. Skin fair and aglow in a sky blue tv haze. I think I said  “hey beautiful in a text this morning.” Or was that yesterday? The 3:25am mornings make it hard to keep track of normal people days. Stupid 3am. Why did I do this to myself, I’m a ghost haunting this house between the hours of 1pm-8pm. 

You aren’t facing me, you are maybe looking at your plants, maybe picturing your ideal day and how it didn’t involve a 60 year old’s bed time. 

All that in the millisecond it took you to slide your pants off. Wait what was I just thinking? I don’t remember but seeing your butt is like the first time every time. Back when we were 17 about to be 18 and thinking I’d never be her type but dang that booty. Back when I had a million tricks none of which you’d seen yet. 

How is she not bored of me yet. I’m one step above lame. My mood is often hard to read... “I don’t mean to Mr. Frodo. A picture of Samwise sad and sulking enters my mind. That must have been so hard for him to go through all of that and constantly have to prove to Frodo he had his back.. Frodo was kind of a dick. 

Wait what did you say? I look up lifting my head from this awful pillow. You repeat the idea of what you said. Out of frustration and saying the same thing over all this time, I respond “no I get that but what did you say”

You now facing me repeat words that I believe mean something but at this moment I can’t remember my name. I think I respond but at this point I’m not even sure who is at the controls in my head. 

With one more back cracking twist you say how you hope something happens, the dog sleeps, the girls clean up, the world gives us a break. 

You climb into bed with a plop and with so much motion it’s like a tornado of blanks. Cold air fills the warm bubble I made. “What?” You look into my eyes. Can you even see them between the dark and the tv glare? I’m not sure how you think I have nice eyes, yours are literally so beautiful. When’s the last time I’ve said that to her? 

The weird look between husband and wife when one says “what?” And the other doesn’t answer. Why is it that we think the worst in that moment? Did you think I’d say I had cancer? Or maybe drop some kinda bomb on you laying here in bed. Dude can you imagine how fucked that would be? Climbs in bed, “oh by the way I’ve been unfaithful. Good night.” 

Oh yeah you asked me a question and my mind ran away again. Nothing, I respond with a smile that unsettles you more. Your smile isn’t exactly one of happy but damn even in this dark room and the shadows running around that smile is perfect. In this moment everything I’m sad or mad at you for is gone I know I will wake to those feelings but here and now do they even matter?  

Ahhhhh! Your freezing toes hit my warm legs and snap me painfully back to this bed and the physical body I make move around. You laugh and say “told you” you could have but the last however long I still haven’t really heard anything because my mind is moving faster than I can ever explain to anyone. 

Your icicle feet slide away. I don’t want that so I use this long body I make move around trap your ankles and pull them back to my side and let them warm on my legs. 

The tv sound fills the room all of the furniture in our room is black or white, including us as we become part of the bed. As everything blinds together gray is life and sleep and tomorrow and all the time till we do this the next night. 

3:25 am I leave you and the warm, do you know I’m getting out of bed? Do you miss my weight next to you? I can’t turn back to look at you because the room is too dark and that dumb blue light blinds me. It’s good because I may not open the door. Stupid 3:25 am... I spin the dimmer switch in the kitchen my day without you is starting and I don’t know when it will end. Please wait till haunting hours are over for that next split of time and color and anger and sad, and worry, and fear, and armor I put on to keep everything else safe. Stupid 3:25 am  

At the Speed of Life

 

2020 is gone. Or is it? 

 I know how easy it is to blame the year itself for all the bad that happened. From Australia to what would ultimately spill over into 2021. 

But if it was all 2020’s fault how did it spill over? How did the year when life stood still get its grubby little cold hands on 2021? Time is continuous, it doesn’t stop for anyone or anything (yet that time machine is coming.. or is here just not in our time line) that’s how it keeps coming back. 

I remember thinking in February last year, my team is going to come together and and play hard and I’ll be done because I left it better than when I found it. Had no real motivation to finish my book(s) I was just going through the motions of life. Little did I know that in just a few short weeks life as we knew it was going to change FOREVER! If we didn’t all live it, that would sound over dramatic. However that’s exactly what we did, live it. We lived in isolation, we lived as others lost the fight to this thing that only wanted to destroy. We lived as injustice grabbed hold and drew a line in the street. That line has also followed us into 2021. We lived as history was made as the first woman was elected to the office of the Vice President. This has also drawn a line in the street. We lived through one giant meme of a year. 

I can tell you I watched so many grow, pick up new hobbies or improve themselves. I changed jobs and had what I would call a very unique experience, I didn’t lose my job or anything. I actually was one of the few that never had time off even in a job change. In that I felt like my 2020 experience didn’t count because I luckily didn’t lose my job or be forced to go remote, I haven’t lost someone to the virus that has cut through this world. It’s almost as if 2020 didn’t happen to me but rather all around me. I actually feel a bit guilty.

So now here we are back at this point in time just a few short weeks away from when all this started. So what now? If you are here, if you’re reading this, you have a chance to change the time line. For me time did stand still around me because I never stopped, but everything else did. My isolation was self inflicted. If you stared a new hobby say rock climbing, park skating, collecting rocks, filling your house with plants (yeah plants), got more time with your kids or significant other. If you were stuck alone and afraid, fell into the dark hole of isolation sickness, if your mental health took a turn. 2021 is a new timeline if you want to try something different. 

We’ve already seen that things that have never been done can happen. Like an attack on the capitol or swearing in a historic VP. So believe in the fact that you can also push the line of limits you place on yourself. 

Just a bit of gushing over my 2021 so far. I took time off for the first time in at least 6 years. Yeah I haven’t taken more than one or two days off in 6 years. I took the days after the inauguration off because we’ll yeah seemed like a good idea. On that time off I got to sit at a kitchen table helping my oldest daughter with her math (I suck at math) watching her get excited when she did it right. Helping her through her frustration. I got to read work from a friend who is doing the damn thing in the world I’d love to live in. I got inspired by her. I also got to read something that was so powerful that I’m here, back on my blog (that’s still weird to say) telling you about it. In her writing she sets up a story that I wasn’t sure where it was going, if the different parts were even connected. Her writing is what I aspire to be as a writer. Telling a story with such vividness that it can grab your heart through a phone screen and just when you think it’s swinging in for the soon to be bloody twist and rip... it gently lets go and wipes the tear from your cheek and reminds you to live at the speed of life. 

You can stop here if you’d like but some thank you’s I’d like to say for helping me get through 2020 and starting 2021 off better than could be expected.

Johnson you know how much you’ve been there for me.

My newlywed derby wife, we look down on everyone from an out of body realm. 

Sea monstrosity I’d never have guessed you would be one of the people I’d grow to look up to and hope one day I can be like you. Keep it up! 

Lucky I’m so glad to know you and truly have no words. 

Mel I’m not sure how it happened and it’s not even like we speak often but you’ve come to be one of my favorite people to follow. You once asked me how I find the time to do so much... I think you have found that answer. 

Anyone on my team that reads this I miss you all the most. 

-MH 

Scary Beautiful

 Ahhh! It’s almost here! This is both very exciting and scary, I can’t stress the second part enough. 

 Just days away my second book will be released into the world. Very few things scare me, I’m a “nothing to fear but fear itself” kinda person. However in this, the time leading up to the book release that fear is all too real. 

 While I do have confidence in the story I’ve told, it is still not up to me to make this successful. Yes, it is partly up to me. The thing is it is up to the reader to make it a full blown success. The thought of “will they like it?” Is a hard one to squish down but in this position you really don’t have a choice. 

 The difference between this book release and the release of Here We Remain, is I had no idea what I was doing or how it would work out. Zero expectations made it less scary. This go round I have higher expectations and hope that I hit them. 

  I hope you all have fun on the ride and this book will gain traction. Book three Hear After, is already finished and the work to make that one even better than this one is underway! -MH

Something Real: Body Image

 

It has been awhile since I wrote a blog. Not for lack of ideas or motivation, but because with everything going on with COVID and now the election it just didn’t feel right. Now however I’m reminded that it’s never a bad time to be real and hopefully share something positive. In this edition I’m going to talk about something I have a hard time with, Body Image. 

All too often you see the post about self love, or love your body. It is a an interesting thing to realize that some people have no idea how someone couldn’t love their body. This person sees your Instagram post and thinks “I wish I looked like that.” Or read a post about how you battled to find love for yourself and comment “you’re so beautiful and strong I love you!” 

For me I’ve struggled with body shame most of my life. I was always the skinny kid that, “needed to eat more.” Then I didn’t realize how bad that hurt me. We often see the body shaming only referencing on the larger size but it isn’t exclusive to any one body type. It’s also unfairly heavily put on women, this also isn’t exclusive to just the ladies. I talked to two of my friends one I met in high school the other in my adult life, both are extremely honest in the comments about their bodies. 

Both a male and female so we can hear from both sides of the struggle. 

First to explain your background what’s your age?

~33 female.

~ 35 male.

If you had to put an age on when you started to pay attention to your body image, what age would you say it was? 

She responded, ~at a very young age around the age of 8/9 I was “much bigger” than my cousin who was 6mths older. 

I think this is unfortunately the norm it seems like for young girls comments start around that age. Adults that think they are being helpful or funny start a unhealthy cycle probably without even knowing. 

This is where it seems different already with his answer~16 years old. 

This is often around the age boys have their first experience with body shaming. I was a bit younger but definitely got the most harsh comments about my size.

I was thinking back and trying to remember if I had a thing tell me I was “too small”, so I asked them when you started paying attention to it was there a voice inside pushing you in one way or the other? 

This is where the answers started to fall hard into what we know all too well... ~ yes my voice was telling me to get thinner, if I was going to achieve “model” status that everyone said I had the face for.

Too much and too often we tell young girls “you have the face of a model, if you could lose weight.” Again that hurtful cycle shows up. Beautiful and beauty isn’t directly connected to size. For me personally even from a young age to be beautiful you had to be a good person. Had nothing to do with size or even looks really. So I could never understand how people could be so mean and hurtful over someone’s size big or small. 

His answer didn’t surprise me at all either. ~ I was always the tallest kid in school. I was also slender. I always wanted to build muscle and have some shape to me.

That everyone, is the idea of a man.. muscular and manly. I had a similar thought and felt less than because no matter what I did I was not getting any bigger. I think back to something that my dad said, “you don’t want to look like a gorilla in your clothes. That will make you a target to fight.” (Yes fist fight. It’s a whole other story) so I was always shown exercises that built lean muscle not bulk up, that with a struggling family of 5 it wasn’t like I could eat my fill. In my experience people often joked about my size or lack there of and I would laugh it off not showing how much it hurt.

Now that we understand how hurtful this can be I asked, with where you are now on your body love Journey what advice would you give that 10 year old kid?

~ I would say be conscious but don’t let it consume you, make right / healthy choices. Love your self 100% the rest falls into place. No two body’s are the same.

~ Stay active and take everything in moderation. Play sports, step outside of your bubble, spend time in the gym, and learn proper technique.

I find it interesting that both responded in a maternal and paternal way. It also says a lot about the way we still see the solutions to body image issues. 

Jumping forward a bit, when it came to romantic relationships I wanted to know if they found themselves coming up with reasons on why a partner couldn’t actually find them attractive? She said what I see body positive posts talking about and how we need to stop doing. 

~Yes daily I would pick myself apart in the mirror justifying if it ever ended why that would be. 

His answer surprised me, but this is where I feel like more pressure is put in women than men.

~  I would have self doubt now and then, as everyone does. I always told myself that as long as I'm happy and having fun, that's all that matters. If someone doesn't find me attractive for some reason, that's their opinion. There are far too many people in the world for me to allow one persons opinion of me to dictate my life and feelings.

It seems a lot of time we see ourselves as less than. It causes us to attack ourselves and we start to really believe it. After that it’s hard to see anything but who/what we’ve created. 

~ We are our own worst critic. We see every flaw so we fall in love with that. Where as our partners love us flaws and all. 

~ In a sense, yes. It's easy to fall in the pit of self doubt. The thing is, in that pit, the view never changes. You must pull yourself out of the pit, take a breath of fresh air, explore and enjoy the vast world around you.

Both responses are positive and that’s the big message of this blog post, they are on the path to loving themselves everyday, they may have hard days but they find a way to take that next positive step. 

Tell me about a time where a person made a comment that made you realize how little you accepted your own body? 

Another good example of the comments made towards men and women. ~ I am still working on this. I accept the compliments, do I always believe them NO, bc my voice is wondering what the motive is behind it. 

I love the “women support women” movement but never realized how it could come across as suspicious because of just how long regimented women are in being insulted with a complement. 

Men on the other hand often hear.~ In my current state, I am vastly out of shape and overweight. Seeing people I haven't seen in a long time and hearing a comment along the lines of "wow, married life has been good for you" knowing they're referring to the weight I've put on.  I just need to buckle down and work to get back in shape.

Again people being “funny” isn’t funny after all. Wrapping this up I asked about the media’s role in all of this. Both responded in the way I hoped. She tells me. ~ yes I think in today’s society men and women have many “idealistic” challenges, however I do believe many are trying to break “stereotypical” norms.  He believes.~ I feel a lot of those stereotypes are pushed by media and marketing. Sadly, in the information age of today, it's nearly impossible to avoid it. One has to be able to recognize that it's all a marketing ploy, and see between the lines.

So it looks like we are onto the BS and no longer accepting it as our normal. No matter what size you are, you are you and beautiful. 

Coming to the end here.  I wanted to know what got them on the path to accepting who you are now both body and mind? 

Her answer fills me with joy.~ I am a mom of a daughter who needs a strong mother who will truly help her love herself for her and not for what society thinks she should be.  

His answer inspires me.~Overall happiness. Life is short, so don't spend it being unhappy and worrying about other peoples opinion. 

If you find yourself reading this I hope you are another step forward on you body love path. I know I’ve made big steps in accepting me and loving what my body is and does. At the end of the day it is up to us to love ourselves, to believe we aren’t a number on a scale or size in a pair of pants. We are beautiful, strong, individuals that can be whatever we want to be. I hope you are all staying safe and working on being a better person today than you were yesterday and looking forward to trying hard tomorrow. -MH

Book Review

As we start to transition from book 1 into book 2 All That Comes After, I thought hit would be a good time to reveal the ace up my sleeve. I believe in getting real feedback on my work in real time. So I had a very good friend read book 2 as I was writing it. 

That sounds like a “of course they’d like it” setup, I know but just stay with me. This friend isn’t afraid of telling me I’m messing up or just wrong. That’s one of the things that I respect about them actually. So I ask some questions about their reading experience with ATCA. 

Q: what’s your background as a reader? 

A: B.C. (before children), I was a voracious reader, particularly of memoirs, and I'd spend silly money on books on what seemed like a weekly basis.

A.C. (after children), the books I like reading starting being pushed aside for reading baby books and I'd read for me when I felt I had time.  That said, if I found myself with physical copies of books by my favorite author, I'd consume them in a day or less.

Q: What’s your ideal book? 

A: I will (and have) read books covering a wide range of genres -- historical studies on eugenics, memoirs about troubled relationships, fictional crime thrillers, and light fantasy.  The only one I never could get into was romance -- maybe because that's my mom's thing, lol.

Q: How critical are you of what you read?

A: I treat my books like my movies and television -- if it's a story I can follow along with and it entertains me or teaches me something without putting me to sleep, I'm down for it.  The writing and characters don't have to be perfect; sometimes the imperfections are what make the story!

 Now getting into the actual book this is where I want you to really understand this “Review” if you will. 

Q: Have you read HWR(book1)?

A: Regrettably, I have not read the first book in the HWR series.  No real excuse for not doing it, I just haven't.

I asked what they knew about the story going in. Obviously I love to talk about this story so. This was the only knowledge they had going in. “When I was getting ready to read a book in the HWR series, I knew I'd be getting into some kind of story about a zombie apocalypse.  I knew the second book picked up after firebombing had taken place and that there was a group of survivors travelling together.  I imagined it would be something like The Walking Dead.”

I say it all the time, any zombie apocalypse will hit the same notes. However this story took an unexpected turn, just how big? In their words, “What I didn't know, and what surprised me, was how relatable the characters were.  These are families who were just happy to be alive and together, and there were others who were hard asses hell bent on finding answers no matter the cost.”

I asked a few more questions about summing up this series.

A: I throw this book into the "light fantasy" column because the idea of zeeks or walking dead is still a bit out there for me, but I could totally see these scenarios playing otu with a post-nuclear society or even a post-viral epidemic world -- crazy!!

Q: Does this family we follow read as a real family?

A: I get the connection between Mark and his daughter.  She's independent, he's trying his best to leter her be herself in this messed up world, and though he isn't totally ready, he realizes he has to give up his control & protector role so she can find her way.  I wish I could understand more of the father-son dynamic, though I imagine it is totally relatable for guys with a father who's a bit detached.

Q: Were you able to see the world in your mind as you read? (This is essentially important if you didn’t read the first book)

A: The scenes were well laid out and the fights, both with the living and the zeeks, were described in graphic detail which made it easy to imagine myself in the characters' shoes.  I could feel the tension, love, frustration -- all of the emotions -- between the various cast members and, to be honest, that's what kept me wanting more.  I'm invested in and want to know what happens to each of the characters next!

Ok this may have a bit of a spoiler in it but I don’t think so. Ye be warned! 

Q: Who was your favorite character? 

A: It's easy to want to pick Mark as my favorite because he's that guy who wants everyone to be happy and safe and is willing to take a lot of crap from others just to keep the peace, but, I think Sarge is my fave.  Sarge is undeniably stubborn, a hard ass, unforgiving to a fault, and really a big jerk.  Despite how awful he sounds, he is those things because he loves hard.  He is a logical and tactical thinker, not willing to sacrifice the safety of his trusted circle by introducing unknowns without question.  He knows what it means to lose, and he accepts that death is an unpleasant inevitability -- something Mark remains naive about.

 

Wrapping up I asked what they thought about the book overall, no art now fancy cover just the writing on the page in its rawest from. What did they say?

“Overall, All That Comes After is engaging and makes for a quick read.  The journal-like structure of the book keeps the story flowing smoothly and keeps the reader from getting lost when moving from "past" to "present."  This structure also makes it super easy to start with this book and not feel like you've missed out on anything crucial from the first book.”

My efforts to get everyone I can to read what I believe in with all my heart and will take the risk of asking anyone to read, I asked what they would say to someone to pick up these books? I leave you with those words-MH

“If you're not sure you want to get started with the HWR series, my question to you is, "Why not?"  Take a break from our maddening world by imagining yourself in theirs!”