“The king is dead but not forgotten” a lyric from Hey Hey, My my.
The funny thing about life is no matter how hard or annoying it gets it doesn’t slow down. Every second is now past and that, that. Something I have learned is you are in control of every second. Even when it doesn’t feel like it. The struggle to feel in control of my life is Effing real.
I don’t necessarily have the need to control every part of my life but the parts I should have a choice in make it hard sometimes. I always believed “live fast, die young.” So the slow slog through mediocrity sucks.
Right now, look around and ask yourself, what’s one thing I could change right this second? Doesn’t matter what it is, in that second you just took control. Now what’s the next thing? Now the next, and the next? That’s all it takes to change your life.
We can fight and say “one day” or “tomorrow” this is a change we want to make, but in the end did you? I suck at finishing books (reading them) so I decided to start using audio books. In just a short time I’ve completed more books than I can remember. I hope it will translate to being a better writer, a better friend, a better coach, and teammate.
As for the adventures I spoke of before, post CoViD restrictions have things I once enjoyed back in full-ish swing. I picked up hockey again, took an opportunity to make a change in my life. Roller derby also started back up.
Ahh, that fickle thing I have a love hate relationship with. I’ve gone back and forth between being done and still finding peace in the chaos of a jam. People say that they could never play ice hockey, but they play roller derby!?!? Like for real it’s like chess to checkers.
The difference is the team atmosphere and dynamics. On the derby track, you literally (mostly) rely on your blockers to help. So regardless of how badass you feel someone somewhere helped you weather you say it or not. On the ice some players are know to go coast to coast and go bar down. That’s going from one end of the ice to the other unimpeded and putting the puck past the goaltender, hitting the crossbar of the net and in doing so the puck deflects down into the net.
GOAL! But even in that moment of badassory your team is still there, you teammates still have to go out and put in the work after you score. So now what? You have control here as well. Being a cheerleader, a teacher, slapping them on the pads and telling them to forget that bad pass or turnover. Because they will have more seconds coming to make up for it. “Forget it, you got this. Next shift it’s all you buddy”
In derby things happen so fast it’s sometimes hard to find the one good thing you did do. I try and coach my team to hold on to those. Find that one thing in that jam you did do, “go out there and do that again. Build off it!” Control what you can control is always my game plan.
So why is it in everyday life that gets lost? Some may say society and social roles blah blah blah. I say when you take the track or ice, or jogging path or that place you do that thing you like (not the denny’s bathroom) that is who you really are. That is you in your most primal form. Who you are when you punch the time clock is just who you’re paid to be.
Take even a tad of that scrappy attitude you have in your hobby with you. I’m sure you have moments of frustration in your hobby, but if you’re still doing it you took that control and forced it right back into balance.
I’m not saying punch your dickhead boss in the face. Unless they truly deserve it, but the mindset of happiness and I’m here because I chose to be here not any other reason. “It’s definitely not bob in reception who tells the awful jokes.”
Less so now I hope to think, I’m known for speaking my mind no matter the situation or time or place. (I said hope to think) I’m unapologetic in that way and I actually love that about myself. Does it make life hard? Do I have few friends because of it? Yes. Does being closed off because of my past experience hinder my ability to make friends? Also yes. However I can take control and try and be more open or welcoming. I can make changes to how I approach a given situation.
You can also realize areas you may be able to change for the better as you see fit to. Asking “What can I change right now, a month from now, a year from now?” Take it one step at a time or as I tell my skaters “take it one jam at a time”
So now we’re here, all of that to say I believe we can take a more active role in our own lives. It doesn’t have to be a big goal it can be as little as “today I want to pick that napkin up from behind that couch, that I dropped that time, and said I’d get it later but never did.” Well guess what? It’s later baby!
My change was to make a new friend who I thought could also benefit from a new friend as well. I’m happy to say it has paid off.
Now if you’ve made it this far I do want to give you an actual update on my writing. Yes Book III of the HWR trilogy is done and I still need to find an artist (if I can’t I may just release it as is and hurt my souls a bit by not having art. I have started two other projects one a screenplay titled Skeptic, a haunting but is drawing parallels to depression. As well as a book (I know I said I was done with writing books somewhere) titled Tin Hearts, it follows a detective Dalton Glass. As he tries to hunt a serial killer who has been leaving parts of their victims in tin hearts around the city. His troubles in life mimic my own story and some of the events from his past are real events that happened to me.
Thank you for sticking around, it means more than you know. I appreciate each and every one of you. -MH
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