No Fear

 

I’ve been asked a few times over the last month if I panic, get nervous, and do I get afraid? All of them were in different situations and different reasons for asking. It made me think hard about myself. 

  To answer it, yes I do have fear, yes I panic, hell yes I get nervous. What I don’t do is let any of those things stop me. Why should I? Why should you, or anyone for that matter? 

I recently read a book about body language and something that stuck with me was the saying “fight or flight” is actually backwards and missing a key part. The real saying is “freeze, flight, fight” as to say your natural response should be to Freeze first, then run if you can, and lastly fight if you must. It blew my mind! 

For me I really felt better hearing that. My mind moves so fast (scary fast) that I can decide what my best course of action could be in the time it takes most people the time to realize the problem in the first place. 

How this relates to fear, my freeze responds is definitely first but it doesn’t last long. Next I go through all the possibilities to run or fight. I make the best choice for the situation. I’ve been very lucky so far in my life lol. 

I don’t believe I’m different from anyone, I just lean into the fear. Could I fail? Will it hurt? Is that blocker going to light me up like a Christmas tree? Yeah all of that is on my mind but what could be or what is on the other side of that fear is way too good to not push past it. 

After a hockey game a teammate asked if I panic? I’d got stuck in the corner with the puck and made a play to a teammate without question or worry. I laughed because I didn’t understand the question. Now I realize they were asking because from their point of view it looked scary and I just reacted. 

At work a district manager asked if I was worried about a random task. Mind you it was a big unexpected obstacle, but I smiled under my mask and told them no, it’s just another job that has to get done. No sense in worrying right? They laughed and said “damn I love that attitude” 

The most recent was at a practice, I was asked if I was nervous before testing skills. This is the one that sat with me the most. Now mind you in 5 years of skating I’ve tested a lot. In the moment seconds before starting my endurance run I was stuck thinking “am I nervous?” Yeah I am, what if’s creep in I don’t think you can ever really stop those thoughts. I think, what if I fall, or cramp? Even worse what if I have an equipment failure? 

Days after that I’m here writing this because it had such a big pull on me. I now realize that that is fearing the unknown, fear of the things outside of your control. In my understanding I believe that is fearing fear itself. So much of what we do in life is uncertain, just getting out of bed could be all you have left of your life… as morbid as that sounds, you get up and go through your day taking so many chances that are just “normal” why not take the chances on things you enjoy regardless of fear? 

Yeah I do crazy things on the track and on the ice but that’s because I enjoy what I do with everything I am and to hold back because of fear would also hold back the fun I’m going to have. I am more afraid of regret than I am of anything else. Dodging a hit, dashing through a gap in a derby wall. They are both exciting and that’s why I love to play. Using my speed on the ice and aggressive play to help bring energy to my team is a role I love to think I’m filling. In all of that I don’t have room for fear I got things to do and memories to make. Go make some of your own. -MH 

Note: The picture above is right before I had my feet kicked out from underneath me. I knew the hit was coming and I was ready for it… it still didn’t go my way but I wouldn’t have changed a second of it because now it’s one of my favorite derby memories. Just look at this next picture